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As a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved many, mostly enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I had a serious relationship that lasted a significant period, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin seeing a potential partner, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more.

Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that many homosexual males have open relationships, yet from my observations, they appear like hard work, often causing significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Should I just keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused.

Each individual's sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate various forms of sexual unions in a finite way. Your needs as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you might become more decisive and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you might meet someone who provides a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about the future and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Try to be in the moment in your relationships, and see the value of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist is a American psychotherapist focusing on treating intimacy issues.