These Phrases shared by My Parent That Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was just in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You're not in a good spot. You must get assistance. What can I do to help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to discussing the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to open up between men, who still hold onto harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a display of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to ask for a break - going on a few days abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a family member, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."